Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Don't Ask, Don't Smell

The roommate and I are preparing to move soon, so it only makes sense that after four years of renewing the entire house would go to shit--literally, just a few weeks before we have to clean and restore it to "give us that full-deposit with interest back" condition.

Over the years we have tolerated the temperamental nature of the plumbing in our uber retro condo...we know which sound coming from deep within the walls means step to the side in the shower as it's about to get hotter then a whore in a church and the sound that means artic waters are about to flow. We tolerated a dishwasher that shook both stories of the building, permanently adhesived rice and cereal flakes to all of our dishes and was as water tight as a vegetable colander.

Then there were the "our oops occasions" like roomie dropping my comb in the toilet or the eyeliner pencil in the toilet fiasco caused by 4 people attempting to change into Halloween costumes in our 3 foot by 3 foot mirrored bathroom a few years back that sent us running to Target just minutes before close on a Saturday night and being assaulted by the misguided mentality of the general public. Please, please explain to me how seeing the two us squatting in front the cleaning supply section comparing the merits of Draino vs. Liquid Plumber and making deals with the devil to not have to call our landlord at 11pm at night gives someone the idea to saunter up and ask us "Whatcha get stuck?" as if it was a great opening line and a fine time to make some new friends. "Yeah let's get together real soon and compare hair clogs from the tub, what fun!"

But the most annoying and most recent has to be the recent combination of continual marathon running, overflowing and lack of flushing ability of our toilet. Now after 4 calls to the landlord and a week of plunging, augering, bleaching and praying—our plumber Todd has come by to tell us that he has ordered us a new throne, the old one can't be fixed…but it won't be here until Friday…uh it's Tuesday dude, and we have ONE bathroom.

So, until Friday at 8am our household motto is going to borrow from the fine town of Vegas and the Navy to survive with some remote dignity. What happens in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom and don't ask, don't smell. Thank god we are moving soon and taking our damn auger with us...

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